Lord God, it seems like I am struggling to remain good . I made a vow "I rather have death than sin," like St. Dominique once said but now it seems like I am drooping in sin at times. I sometimes wish i had died sooner so that I wouldn't face the worries of ever sinning . But I believe its past that. At times I no longer have the urge for praying, just the other night I believe and this morning I skipped my prayers to Mother Mary and Father Joseph. Who I love so dearly and don't want to lose.
I feel I am not really accomplishing much in this world , And at times I feel like I really am an annoyance to most people, a burden, a nobody.
I also feel guilty about noticing someone who I know and feel like saying 'hi' to but don't greet them or talk to them either for the reasons of being judged by them or by my laryngtis.
While in my heart I care so much about everyone and so much want to make them happy. I also fell sinful about not being as kind and loving as I always was to my parents. I love my parents so much but it seems like I have I been pushing them off and off for my homework and long studying time. Haven't been as kind and loving as I should be towards them.
Maybe if I was just out of school I'd feel better and happier... I pray that I could be in a state of bliss with you again God, But the thought of "Heaven" a so sweet heaven on earth I once exprienced seems far..
